Hello Beautiful Soul…

I’m not sure if this post should go under “Confessions” or “Relationships.” I guess both since I’m sharing some wild, twisted, soap-opera-worthy drama with you, and at the same time teaching you some important lessons about relationships.

You probably heard all the stories of two women (victims) at war with each other over a pickle. You might even have your own personalized version. Well, here’s mine, and it was a complete waste of time. If I could go back, I would tell my naive self (and every other woman caught in this ridiculous web), “Girl, put the claws away. The diabolic vessel ain’t worth it.”

For years, I was fed the story that “the other victim” was a stalker, a crazy woman who just wouldn’t leave him alone. Meanwhile, on her side, she was spoon-fed the lie that he was forced to marry me by his oh-so-tyrannical parents (what I heard a related source). Two blind victims, who probably could have gone out for tea and laugh over this entire shurry, were practically at each other’s throats. All because a man couldn’t keep his story straight.

This man, bless his heart (and by “bless” I mean in the Southern “you’re so pathetic” kind of way), was a master at flipping the script. One time, I caught him red-handed, emailing this woman and calling me names that only a two-bit villain from a B-movie would use. I was the “old hag” who made his life miserable. Oh, and don’t forget the part where I’m always fighting with him, lacking understanding, unlike the other woman. You know, the one who was sooooo much better than me in every way (insert dramatic eye roll here).

When I confronted him about this “undelivered” email, suddenly, she was the crazy one. According to him, she was threatening suicide, and if anything happened to her, her gangster uncle and brothers would go “the sopranos” on us. So what could he do to avoid the bleedshed? He just had to keep her calm. For the good of our family, of course! (Does anyone else smell the garbage he was spewing, or is it just me?)

Sleepwalking is what I title this chapter of my life. This charade went on for YEARS! While he was busy playing the victim in one room, he was painting me as the evil witch in the other. Meanwhile, we women were busy hating each other, too caught up in the lies to see who the real villain was.

Eventually, I woke up from my misery-induced slumber. I started seeing the puppet strings he was pulling, and oh boy, did I see them clear as day. I got savvy with a tracker in my car, so I knew exactly where he was going and when he was coming home. The kids and I would rush to bed before he walked through the door, pretending everything was fine. He would tell me this overly exaggerated stories about the crazy things at Joe’s Bar and a club called, Stargate.

It took a long while but I finally found the courage and left. And guess what? He married victim #2 faster than you can say, “She’s pregnant?” I’m so happy she took him. Like, genuinely, thank-God-in-heaven, happy. She got the life she wanted so badly for 15 years, and I got my freedom. Oh yes, and a decade-long restraining order. I was his “precious” ring that escaped and he couldn’t just let me be. No, he had to keep threatening me, playing the “you’re my one true love” card, while his new wife was sleeping next to him. Mentally impaired person.

Now, let me make something clear—I’m not trying to belittle the other woman in this story. In fact, I feel sorry for her. It breaks my heart that she loved herself so little that she stuck around this man for 15 years, watching him have five kids with another woman. If the shoe were on the other foot, I’d have left the moment he got married. She stuck around for 15 years!

The point is, ladies, stop attacking each other. If a woman can “take” your man, it’s because he’s letting her. It’s not on her; it’s on him. So just walk away. Let them have each other. Put an end to the madness.

If you find yourself in a situation where a man is playing you against another woman, remember it’s not her you should be fighting. It’s him you should be leaving like spoil meat in a trash can. Pack up your dignity, straighten your crown, and walk away from the drama. You deserve better!

If you have a similar story you want to share, I love to hear it!