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5 Ways to Reset Yourself After Trauma

Please open your minds. There may be some things that are outside of whatever you learned from society. It’s not your fault that you don’t know. For a long time, you’ve been programmed to believe things should be a certain way and it’s just not always true.

You may not see oxygen but you breathe it every day to stay alive and it keeps you grounded. Don’t be too quick to judge something you can’t see, feel, or haven’t experienced. 

No matter what your current circumstances are, if you can imagine something better for yourself, you can design it. 

You just have to want it bad enough to generate it from within yourself. But before you can generate, you must reset. It’s like a drain that’s stuck. You need to flush the shit out!

Here’s the funnel of enlightenment. Due to trauma, most of you are here at the bottom. You kept circling and bobbling around this bottom area with shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, and pride. Being stuck in this area will keep attracting shitty people and things into you life. You need to raise yourself up to a different level.

You need to get to a level where the crappy people and emotions can no longer effect you.

How do you do this? Start with resetting yourself. A caterpillar can only have wings after it reset itself within a dark cocoon. 

Reset 1. Inhale postive. Exhale negative.

The “very” first thing you need to do to start raising yourself up and living a more positive life is to get rid of all the negative energy. For months or years, toxic people have been pouring negative energy into you. All that negative energy are holding you down like an anchor and can’t raise to the top for air.

Every day with the toxic people around you, you’re absorbing anger and negative energy. This type of energy makes you feel guilty, fear, loneliness, and lack of self-esteem.

The first step to break from this vicious negative cycle and stop attracting negative people and things into your life is to detox the negative energy out of you.

Take out your journal or notebook. On one side of the page, put the word Negative and on the other side put “Positive. 

Take 8 mins to write down 8 things that makes you upset all the time, or would often make you feel angry under the “Negative” section. 

Next, write down 8 things that makes you happy, or can brighten you day under the “Positive” section.

So, how do you detox the negative energy out of you? 

You have start adding and empowering positive energy! 

When you keep eating bad food, you get sick. The only way to get healthy is to stop eating the bad food and start slowly adding good food to help your body rejuvenate. 

To detox the bad energy programmed into you, you have to start pouring more positive energy into your body, mind, and soul. 

Okay, tell me, what is one thing that makes you upset all the time? {Ask all the ladies}

Do you have one or two things from your positive list to overwrite one of your negative thing? 

If not, what is something positive you can do to overwrite that one negative thing?  

When I first left the fucktard in my life, I hated myself. I hated that I was so stupid and blind. That I didn’t notice he was living a secret life behind my back through our entire marriage. That I was used and abused and I wasted my youth on a worthless POS! There was a lot of negative energy in that one thing. 

Overtime, I learned to forgive myself through creating goals and aiming for them. I started working on losing weight… dressing up even when I was just home… I forced myself to leave the house to meet new people, participated in events, and I did a lot of painting. All the positive energy I got from doing these things overwrite my one negative energy that was holding me down… and I start to float upward. 

You need to practice doing this with all the negative things in your life. Always replace a negative thing with a positive thing or things so you can detox all the negative energy out of you. This is extremely important if you want to live a happier and healthier life. You need to stay more positive than negative. Otherwise, you will continue to attract lots of negative people and things. You are energy. You attract what you hold inside.

Any questions?

Reset 2

This reset is very hard but you can do it! It made make you very angry but remember… “positive thoughts” is the only way out!

For a long time, I was so angry at myself for being a doormat. I made so many excuses for the fucktard’s bad behaviros. At one point, I was the only provider for 18 people – his parents, 10 siblings, a married SIL & her kids, the fucktard, and my 3 kids. After giving birth to twins, he left me bleeding to death and went to to the gym — it was leg day. I never had a maternity leave in my entire marriage. What I’m trying to say is that there were so many abnormal bad shit and I let it all slide. 

In my recovery process, I had to look for the lessons in those horrible times and turn them into experiences. I had to let go of the bad things and look at them with a positive view. For example, I had to apply for countless jobs because I had to quit work all the time. The lessons from that horrible time is that I’m very capable, independent, and I know how to get jobs! When I left and was close to being homeless with 5 kids, I took the lessons and created a job search course for people looking for work. This helped me generate over $10K a month so I can work at home, be home with my kids, and build my business. 

In your journal, list 3 of the bad things that happened to you.

Next, what lessons or skills do you “think” you learned from these bad things. 

Take a good 5 minutes to do this. 

Who would like to share one of their bad things and what lessons you “think” you learned from it?

Being angry at your fucktard or the toxic people in your life will  only gives him or them power to continue controlling you. 

You have to learn to turn bad things into positive experiences.

Otherwise, you hold grudges forever and it will kill you. You will always be unhappy.

Reset 3

If you want to change how you feel, you have to start with changing how you think..

Think about this..

When you think about things that make you happy, how do you feel? Happy.

When you think about things that make you sad, how do you feel? Sad.

If you have spent most of your time feeling sad, you’re spending too much time thinking about the things that bring sadness?

How can you expect to feel better when you haven’t made the decision to “think better thoughts?”

You need to work on thinking good happy thoughts. Start small. 

Take 3 minutes to write down 10 things you’re grateful for in your life. It could be anything like, “the sun, moon, sky, my house, etc.” 

Leave 2 spaces between each thing you’re grateful for in your life. 

After you’re done your 10 things,  write below each item why you’re grateful for it.

Tell me, what is one thing you’re grateful for and why?  [All ladies]

Keep adding to this list as you continue to grow and work on getting your morning gratitude to at least 20 minutes if possible. The more you train your mind to think more positive thoughts… the better you will feel in your life and the less you will welcome negative words or thought to bother you. 

Some great tips or things to do…

Every morning… drink at least 8 to 16 oz of water before you do anything. This refresh your entire body and bring pure energy to you. Next, make 5 minutes to just relax your mind and be thankful for the things you just listed. 

You simply close your eyes, relax your body, and face. … and say, “Good morning… I am grateful _______ because______” and keep going down the list.”

For example, I often would say… “I’m grateful for another day because I have another chance to create a better me and make a difference in the world.” 

If you have time, write your positive thoughts. I often do it during a lunch break or when I can find time to relax for 10 mins, even if I”m stressed out! Write about the life you want as if you already have it. Keep it positive. 

Complimenting people.. or doing something good. For example, send a message to someone. Keep cool if someone cut you off on the road. Instead of screaming… “say something like… I hope you find happiness.” 

Take time before bed to read something positive, look at pictures of positive things, or do something positive for yourself.

Whatever energy you send out.. comes back to you. You need to raise your vibration.  Remember, you’re trying to get to or close to “flow”. 

Reset 4

In order to reset yourself for a better life, you need to limit negative people from you life and demand better. This is very true when it comes to being around or attracting the right people into your life. Many of us attracted narcs or toxic people because we accept whatever is given, even when it’s bad for us. We need to STOP doing that shit! 

We need to stop trying to SAVE people who don’t want to be saved! Friends who complain all the time about their problems but are not doing absolutely crap to solve the problem. These are just vampires out to suck your blood.

We need to stop being NICE to people who are NOT NICE. These are friends who only call you when they need something and other times you’re basically dead to them. These kind of people will always talk down to you. We need to put ourselves FIRST!

List 10 things you demand from people you want around you – friends or partner.

Now, list the 5 people who impact you the most, or who you spend the most time with.

Next, review your list of people. If a person meets 8 or more of the things you demand, put a “P” next to the person’s name.

If the person meets less than less than 4, put a “N” next to their name.

Anyone between 5 to 7, put “PN” next to their name.

P = positive. N= negative. Put “PN” for neutral. 

Now look at your list, how many people on your list did you give “N” to? 

These people are negatively impacting your life. You either remove them or really limit your time with them.

Negative people hate positive people! It’s the truth. They will do whatever to drain your positive energy and leave you with their negative energy. Stop explaining yourself to these kind of people and if you must explain yourself, do it with no more than 5 words.

“Yes”

“No”

“Busy”

“Doing well”

“Kids are fine”

“You’re my hero.”

“I love you too!” 

For the NP group, you have to find a balance. If they start tipping over to the “N” group, do the same as you would to people in the “N” group. You have to always put yourself first. 

I understand some of you are moms and some toxic people are our kids. But you have to remember, kids are going to grow up and move on. You’ll be lucky if they come visit you at the nursing home, or put you in one. Take-care of yourself first so you can take-care of them as much as necessary to be a mom. It might sound selfish but don’t live your entire life for your kids. Love them but love yourself too.

Spend more time with the “P” people. The ones who inspire you, motivate you, and lift you up. 

You don’t have any? Go make some! Find energy healing groups, art classes, etc…  

You need people who will add to your positive life. Not take from you all the time!

Reset 5

You first! If someone doesn’t add value to your life, you don’t need him/her, or at least limit your time with that person.

You need to step out of your comfort zone and just flow like the river. The river never ask the land to change before it can flow. It just keeps moving, shifting, and falling all the way to the ocean. 

As trauma survivors, we often live our lives to please others. We’re always so sorry. We’re always feeling bad. We refuse to take the next step because we’re always waiting for the perfect time. We always want to make sure it will work out! 

Nothing is guarantee in life! Nothing. 

Even if you killed someone so you both can died together, you’r still not going to be buried together.

Born alone. Die alone. Just flow!

I want you to write a pledge to yourself. Something you want to live by starting on January 1, 2021.

“I will no longer tolerate negative people in my life. If someone does not……., I will remove them from my life. I deserve a peace of mind and happiness.” 

And then list one of your main goals for 2021. You can add more main goals on your own. I just want to quickly show you how to break down goals into manageable tasks.

After that, breakdown the main goal into monthly, weekly, and daily goals. 

For example, the main goal is …. I want to lose 30lbs in 6 months.

What should be your monthly goals? I want to lose up to 5lbs.

What is your weekly goals? Eat 1500 calories per week and workout 5 days a week.

What is your daily tasks? Workout 30 mins daily. Keep track of daily food intake on APP. Write food list. Buy food. Prep food. Etc.

All these daily task should be something you can get done in a day. 

This may seem time consuming or overwhelming but once you get use to it, you will not be able to do without it. It’s a process that have helped me to managed my 5 kids, run my business, and coordinate my life.  

Once I write all my daily tasks, I put them on post-it notes and place them on a Kanban board. 

What is a kanban board? 

It’s just a simple board with a 4 rows. 

The first row is the backlog. This is where you put all the tasks you need to do to reach you goal. Don’t leave tasks in you head!

The second row is the TO DO. This is where you put tasks you plan to finish that month.

The third row is the DOING. This is where you put the tasks you plan to finish that week.

The fourth row is the DONE. This is where you put the completed tasks.

Instead of flooding my mind with everything I need to do. I would write them on post-it notes. Being able to visually see my tasks and move them from start to finish really helps me to push myself mentally and physically toward reaching my main goal.

We don’t have a lot of time today so I’m going to leave this reset here. Maybe we’ll have another meeting to just focus on breaking down goals.

It’s a big rush squeezing an 8 weeks program into 1.5 hours. What I provide for you are the 5 areas you can reset in your life for a healthier and happier 2020. What I hope you will take with you are these 4 points.

At the end of the day, the one thing you must do is build positive energy. It’s the only way to flush out negative energy and live a positive life. You attract what you have inside you. You want better… start attracting better. 

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