So, you’ve decided to design your life, huh? No pressure—just, you know, shaping your entire existence. Think of it like being the architect of your happiness, except instead of blueprints and bricks, you’re working with values, strengths, and a whole lot of self-reflection. Welcome to the T.H.R.I.V.E. model—a life design strategy that’s all about aligning your life with who you truly are, so you can not just survive but thrive. And yes, there will be jokes along the way.

You might be wondering, “Isn’t life design something they use in product design or career development?” Yup, you’re right—life design principles are often used to create the next big tech gadget or help people climb the corporate ladder. However, my life design model is slightly different and I used it to help people rebuild their lives from the ground up after trauma or when they’re ready for a major change or transition. It’s about creating a life that matches your skills, passions, and true self, especially when you’re starting over or making a fresh start. Think of it as a DIY project, but instead of assembling furniture from IKEA, you’re putting your life together—hopefully with fewer leftover screws.

And let me tell you, I’ve been there and done that—let me share how.

T – Target Your Values

The first step in thriving is getting crystal clear on what matters to you. Your values are like the GPS for your life, guiding you to where you want to go (and hopefully not recalculating every five minutes). But targeting your values isn’t just about writing down a few nice-sounding words. It’s about digging deep and asking yourself what lights you up, even when no one’s looking.

When I left my 15-year abusive marriage, I found myself at rock bottom. I had five kids to support, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it work. But I was certain about one thing. This sh*t show wasn’t going to be the end of my story. I took a hard look at my values—what mattered most to me. I wanted a life where my kids felt safe, where I could be proud of who I was, and where I could make a difference. Those values became my North Star, guiding every decision I made. And yes, chocolate cake helped too.

H – Harness Your Strengths

Next up, it’s time to recognize your unique skills and talents. We all have strengths that make us shine. Harnessing your strengths is about playing to your advantage and using them to fuel your personal and professional growth.

For me, my strength was resilience. I had been through the grind, but I was still standing—sometimes wobbly, but standing. I knew how to fight through tough times, and I realized I could use that strength not just to survive but to build something better. I also had a talent for connecting with people, understanding their pain, and helping them find their way. I used those strengths to start a business and later a nonprofit, focusing on supporting others who were struggling, just like I had been. It wasn’t easy, but hey, neither is figuring out how to assemble that IKEA dresser.

R – Reflect and Learn

Thriving isn’t just about charging ahead; it’s also about looking back and learning from your experiences. Regular reflection helps you assess your progress, understand what’s working, and adjust your course if needed. It’s like being your own life coach, checking in with yourself to see how things are going. By the way, you’re going to have a few “what was I thinking?” moments—embrace them.

In those early days after leaving my marriage, reflection was my best friend (along with treats and a lot of deep breaths). What was working? What wasn’t? I made mistakes—I’m only human—but I learned from each one. I took time to reflect on my parenting, my work, and my personal growth. Reflection helped me spot the patterns in my life, the areas where I was still holding myself back, and it gave me the insight I needed to keep moving forward.

I – Implement Action Steps

Now that you’ve got your values targeted, your strengths harnessed, and your reflections in place, it’s time to take action. But not just any action—clear, purposeful steps that move you closer to your goals. Implementing action steps is about breaking down big goals into manageable tasks and making consistent progress. Think of it like trying to eat healthy, one nasty food at a time.

When you’re raising five kids on your own, action steps are your lifeline. I had big dreams—to support my family, to build a business, to create something meaningful—but those dreams felt overwhelming. So I broke them down. Every day, I set small, manageable goals—getting through the day, finding new clients, and launching that first community project. Step by step, I made progress. It wasn’t always glamorous (and sometimes it involved more treats than I’d like to admit), but each small victory was a step closer to the life I wanted.

V – Visualize Success

Visualization isn’t just for athletes or motivational speakers—it’s a powerful tool for anyone looking to thrive. When you visualize your success, you create a mental picture of your desired outcomes, which can keep you motivated and focused on your goals. It’s like daydreaming, but with a purpose.

There were days when I felt like giving up—when the weight of everything was too much, and I seriously considered taking a one-way train to nowhere. But my visualization of a home filled with love and laughter, a thriving business that made a difference, and a life where I was living authentically, true to myself. That vision pulled me through the tough times. I could see it, feel it, and that kept me going, even when the road ahead seemed impossible.

E – Embrace Adaptability

Finally, thriving in life means being adaptable. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns—like when you realize your dog has been chewing on your favorite shoes for the past hour. The ability to pivot when necessary is crucial. Embracing adaptability means being open to change, willing to adjust your plans, and knowing when it’s time to try a new approach.

There were many moments when I had to adapt—when plans didn’t work out, when the business hit a rough patch, and life threw one of its curveballs. But instead of seeing those moments as failures, I saw them as opportunities to pivot, to find a new way forward. That adaptability allowed me to keep growing, to keep building, and ultimately, to live a life that truly reflected who I am.

Final Thoughts

And there you have it—the T.H.R.I.V.E. model for life design. By targeting your values, harnessing your strengths, reflecting and learning, implementing action steps, visualizing success, and embracing adaptability, you can design a life that’s not just lived but truly thrives. Whether you’re recovering from trauma, ready for a change, or simply seeking a life that aligns with your true self, this model can help you build from the bottom up and craft a life that works for you.

This isn’t just theory—it’s the blueprint I used to rebuild my life after leaving an abusive relationship. It’s how I supported my five kids, built a business, started a nonprofit, and found a way to live authentically, aligned with who I truly am. So go ahead, take the brush in your hand, and start creating your masterpiece. After all, this is your life—design it to THRIVE.