Let’s talk about a word that gets tossed around like confetti at a corporate retreat: authenticity. Yes, that glittery little buzzword that every business guru, self-help coach, and LinkedIn influencer loves to use, often sandwiched between “synergy” and “growth mindset.” While they preach authenticity from their ergonomic chairs, they’re just telling you to be authentic… as long as everyone still likes you.

Because in the real world—especially in business—authenticity is like an overripe banana: you either love it or you can’t stand the smell. And guess what? The ones who are truly authentic, who dare to be themselves without sugarcoating or filtering, are often the ones who find themselves isolated at the metaphorical office lunch table.

Why? Because authenticity is intoxicating and suffocating all at once. It’s like a truth serum that makes people uncomfortable, because deep down, we live in a world that prefers people to be likable instead of real. We’re conditioned to put on masks, to present the version of ourselves that won’t rock the boat or upset the delicate balance of social norms. But for those of us who’ve been through the mill—like surviving domestic abuse—living authentically isn’t just a choice; it’s a necessity.

As a former people pleaser who spent far too many years reshaping myself to fit into everyone’s scenarios, I know the price of putting likability over authenticity. I wore the mask, I smiled when I wanted to cry, and I nodded along when I wanted to scream. But let me tell you, there’s no better feeling than tossing that mask in the trash and showing the world who you really are, scars and all.

For domestic abuse survivors like me, authenticity isn’t just about being true to yourself—it’s about reclaiming your voice, your identity, and your power. Here’s what we gain when we choose authenticity over the suffocating demands of being likable:

1. Freedom from People-Pleasing: No more bending over backward to meet everyone else’s expectations. When you’re authentic, you set your own rules, and that’s liberating.
2. Stronger Boundaries: Authenticity helps you establish clear boundaries because you know what you will and won’t tolerate. You become the gatekeeper of your own life.
3. Genuine Connections: When you’re real, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. These connections are deeper and more meaningful.
4. Increased Self-Worth: By being authentic, you affirm your own value. You’re telling the world—and yourself—that you’re enough, just as you are.
5. Empowerment: There’s a powerful strength in living authentically. You’re no longer a victim of your circumstances but a survivor with a story to tell.

Now, let’s talk about the downside of self-censoring, which is the polar opposite of authenticity. When you constantly edit yourself to fit in, you:

1. Lose Your Identity: The more you censor yourself, the more you lose touch with who you really are. You become a patchwork of other people’s expectations.
2. Experience Constant Stress: Keeping up the facade is exhausting. It’s like running a marathon in stilettos—unnecessary and painful.
3. Feel Resentment: When you’re not true to yourself, you start to resent those around you for forcing you into a mold that doesn’t fit.
4. Suffer from Low Self-Esteem: Pretending to be someone you’re not sending a message to yourself that you’re not good enough as you are, which can tank your self-esteem.
5. Miss Out on Real Relationships: By censoring yourself, you deny others the chance to know the real you, which means your relationships stay shallow.

So, yes, authenticity can be intoxicating and suffocating, but only because it forces you—and those around you—to confront the truth. And while the world may still prefer likability over realness, the people who truly matter will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

In the end, living authentically isn’t just healing; it’s the most powerful form of self-care. So, go ahead—be you, unapologetically. And if that makes some people uncomfortable? Well, its a bonus.