Hello Beautiful Soul…

“D” for “Divorce” is not something you hope for but it just shows up without an invitation. It’s like life handed you a reset button wrapped in dynamite. If you were in an abusive marriage, the dynamite was already ticking, and now you’re just trying to make sure you don’t lose any fingers while starting over.

Rebuilding your life after divorce is a war zone. Instead of dodging bullets, you’re dodging memories, complex PTSD, and kids with more moods than a teenage pop star. You deserve a standing ovation for just making it through the day without drowning in your puddle of tears.

So, where do you start? Well, step by step with some humor sprinkled in to keep things light. After all, if we can’t laugh, we might cry (and we’ve done enough of that).

Step 1: Embrace Your Inner Phoenix

You know that mythical bird that burns itself to ashes and then rises again? Yeah, that’s you—except the ashes are probably more like burnt toast and spilled cereal from the kids’ breakfast. But hey, you’re rising, and that’s all that matters.

The first thing to do is to acknowledge that you’re in rebuild mode. Everything’s a bit chaotic, like the aftermath of a toddler’s birthday party, but that’s okay. You’re not just starting over; you’re reinventing yourself. So, grab a coffee, tea, or wine (maybe avoid the hard liquor for now), take a deep breath, and give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far.

Not long ago, I was there where you are now. There was this one day when I was at an extremely low point and sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by unpaid bills, broken appliances, bugs, and kids who were struggling just as much as I was. I felt completely hopeless and I remember asking myself, “How did you end up here?” As I wiped away my tears, I looked at my kids running around in the backyard and realized that they needed me to be strong. They needed me to rise from those ashes, even if it was one tiny step at a time. I picked myself up, made my middle finger the strongest bone in my body, put together a to-do list, and started tackling one small thing at a time. 

Step 2: The Healing Process

Divorce is hard. Add abuse into the mix and healing feels like trying to put together a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle with no picture on the box. Complex PTSD is a sneaky little beast that likes to rear its ugly head when you least expect it. One minute you’re fine, and the next, you’re triggered by a song that played during one of “those” moments.

The trick here? Don’t let it isolate you. It’s easy to retreat into a cozy cocoon of Netflix and avoidance, but the world needs your fabulous self out and about. Find a therapist who gets you—someone who won’t just nod and say, “That’s tough,” but who will help you untangle your emotional mess.

And for the love of all things good, don’t be afraid to laugh at the comedy of it all. When life gives you CPTSD flashbacks, dance or sing your trauma away—preferably everywhere, off-key, with some good old-fashioned, made-up curse words.

Step 3: Raising Kids

Now, let’s talk about the kiddos. If you’ve got little ones (or not-so-little ones) who are battling their own mental health struggles, you’re basically running a full-time circus. One day, your child is a grumpy lion; the next, they’re a sad clown. And you? You’re the ringmaster trying to keep everyone from burning down the tent.

Raising kids with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenges means you’ve got to have the patience of a saint and the creativity of a Pinterest mom on steroids. Some days, just getting them to brush their teeth feels like a victory worth celebrating.

But you’re not alone. Reach out to other parents who get it, because sometimes you need a friend to vent to who won’t judge when you say, “I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes to eat chocolate and cry today.” And don’t forget to laugh at the crazy moments, like when your kid wears mismatched socks because “it’s cool.”

Speaking of socks, I remember one day when my daughter, who struggles with social skills and anxiety, decided that the only thing that could calm her down was wearing mismatched socks. She declared it was her new “anti-anxiety superpower.” I didn’t argue. We went to the grocery store like that, and you know what? Not a single meltdown. I’ll take that as a win.

Step 4: Redesigning Your Life

Now that you’ve survived divorce, tackled CPTSD, and are managing your mini circus, it’s time to rebuild your life. This is where you get to be the architect of your happiness. Think of it as a DIY project—except instead of refurbishing an old dresser, you’re refurbishing your entire existence.

Start small. Maybe you want to take up a hobby you had to give up because the diabolic one thought it was “a waste of time.” (Spoiler: It wasn’t.) Or perhaps you’re ready to tackle something big, like going back to school, starting a business, or finally writing that book you’ve been thinking about.

And hey, if your first attempts don’t turn out exactly as planned, don’t sweat it. We all know failures are just life’s way of keeping us humble. The important thing is that you’re trying, you’re building, and you’re moving forward.

Step 5: Celebrate Every Victory

Lastly, don’t forget to celebrate the victories—no matter how small. Survived a full day without feeling like you’re drowning? Celebrate. Managed to get your kids to school on time without any major meltdowns? Celebrate. Got through a therapy session without crying? You bet, celebrate.

Starting over after divorce and raising kids isn’t for the faint of heart, but you’re doing it. You’re rebuilding, piece by piece, day by day. And sure, some days it feels like you’re holding it all together with dollar store glue and a prayer or positive vibes, but you’re still holding it together.

Final Thoughts

To the survivor, the thriver, the parent, the phoenix rising from the ashes of divorce. Keep laughing, keep pushing forward, and remember that you’re doing an amazing job, even when it doesn’t feel like it. And if all else fails, there’s always chocolate, a good laugh, and living in poetry to get you through.